Mid-coaching session, my client mentioned to me that he really struggles with the idea of connecting with colleagues as he would with family or friends. “After all, what’s the point. These are not my friends. My friends are outside of the workplace.”

I get it. It is hard to bring our full selves to the workplace. After all, work is serious and where “stuff” needs to get done. However, that premise ignores the importance of human relationships and trust. In Conversational Intelligence, @Judith Glaser writes about the importance of creating trust for co-creation, creativity, and conversation to begin. Brene Brown famously researches vulnerability and the bravery it takes to share our fallibility with others.

When we are willing to expose our soft underbelly to others, we allow others to really see who we are and what we stand for. With this risk, trust, relationships have a chance to bloom. Unfortunately, in our COVID landscape, there is a tremendous amount of isolation, anxiety, and loss. It all existed before the pandemic, and it will be there in our post-COVID life as well. Right now, it’s easier to hide, to push down our humanity at the moment we most need to be with others.

Imagine a world in which we felt comfortable sharing with colleagues, “I need help” or “I’m struggling.” Such a world is impossible without feeling connected, without trust. In the Sunday Business section of the New York Times, @Sapna Maheshwari and @Vanessa Friedman confirmed for me what many of my clients and I have been feeling: “We have all hit the wall.” The prolonged pandemic landscape has left us disconnected, anxious, and keenly aware of the myriad of losses that have collected over the course of the last 12 months. As an executive coach, I’m interested in the feelings, and the path forward. Right now that path is human connectivity.

Yes. work is where “stuff” gets done. However, at work is also a community and a team that needs to function in sync. Take a risk. Bring your whole self to work.

We brought home a new puppy last week. It seemed reasonable. We told ourselves: we are working from home, so why not?

This puppy is an 11-week old spitfire. Full of herself, she has taken over the house, our lives, our sleep, and stolen the hearts of everyone, except the 12-year-old dog that had had us all to herself and liked it that way.

Here’s what I had forgotten about having a puppy, they don’t care if you are on the phone. They don’t care if you have a meeting. They don’t care if you really want to sit down and read the newspaper. What they need is right now, always. Caring for this baby requires me to be attuned to her needs, all her needs, all the time. The puppy forces me to be mindful, present, intuitive. Wow!

Imagine if we went through life even a little more mindful, present, intuitive to our colleagues, clients, employees, and friends. What if we looked them in the eyes, and really listened? What else might we understand about their needs and vulnerabilities? What might we create together? Imagine the trust we could establish.

I’m getting used to this sweet girl and understanding her signals. And, she is getting used to us. She is an awesome reminder of the mindfulness I hope to bring to all my client relationships.

We each carry an imaginary backpack of experiences, gathered from childhood onward. We bring that backpack with us to the workplace. Despite its weight, the pack becomes a security blanket, difficult to put down. Instead, we compensate by creating a routinized manner of working. While sufficient to allow functional and technical proficiency, using the same set of management tools has diminishing returns as we we fail to make critical connections, engage a team, and drive mission and vision.

To successfully navigate the journey to leadership, managers need to look inward. A personal development journey enables vulnerability. That brave walk allows the manager to consider where have I come from? What do I want? Where am I going? Whose help do I need? What is missing?  To answer all of these questions requires an inward focus and often the help of a coach.

If you are interested in making this journey, email me. Let’s get started.

There is a fallacy that leaders are born. Not true. Leadership skills are acquired through trial and error and more errors. Leaders make mistakes and they talk about those mistakes and work with others to find the path forward. Leaders have awkward conversations. They make poor decisions. They learn and get better.

Leadership skills can be painful in the acquisition phase. Leaders in training can micromanage and fail to empower and engage team members.

The path forward is self-awareness, a willingness to be vulnerable, and desire to look inward. A coach can make the difference. A coach provides leaders and leaders in training with a mirror and a thought partner. A coach can also provide critical feedback regarding specific behaviors and skills ripe for development. 

 If you are interested in that journey towards leadership, email me. 

No, this is not a paid endorsement. I just love spreading the word when I find a really useful product that might help you grow as a leader and manager. I ask a lot of questions. I encourage clients to think about “how” they are working, as opposed to the “what.” How are you getting the work done? How are you organizing your day? How do you best prepare to meet with the project team? Each of these “how” questions requires thought and reflection. Taking a moment to breathe, think and jot down notes is a great start. That is why I am excited about the Productivity Notepad Suite from Ink+Volt. These notepads and planners are productivity boosters allowing you to get organized, plan a project, reflect, and even prepare for a one on one meeting. Ink+Volt also has a regular blog that features useful topics such as How to Deliver Feedback with Compassion and Clarity. Let me know how you are getting yourself organized and if these tools work for you!

I had a rare dinner with my 80 something year old dad last weekend, outside, on the street during New York winter. A tent on Lexington Avenue, the subway rumbling underneath, is far from our usual cozy corner table. We are all learning to adapt, even my dad. Until last March, when COVID descended on New York City like a curtain, he was still doing what he loves, running the streets of New York, negotiating and doing deals. But what now? His endless optimism is tarnished. He is not alone; optimism is hard for all of us. The past year has taken a toll.

Looking for clues on a path forward, I asked one of my executive coaching clients, a member of the c-suite of a strategic consulting firm, how she maintains her resilience. She agreed it’s really hard, but suggested the following, “Oh my goodness, do I have an option? I’m looking for inspiration in unexpected places. I have worked with my team to reimagine what we do and how we do it. And as consultants we have to do that with our clients too. I am extraordinarily proud of my team. We have rallied together to move forward, to think critically. We cannot travel, we are not together, but somehow, we are finding our way through and thriving. I am not sure what the next year is going to have in store, but I feel good about the strategic direction we have mapped out and confident that our clients are finding value in our services.” My client has reimagined business. She is thinking outside the box and understands the need to engage her team at a critical time. 

Yes, this pandemic has taken a big toll on our collective psyche. However, if we are to survive and THRIVE, optimism is tantamount. We have to lead our troops, move forward and reinvent ourselves, how we do business, and what our industries will look like tomorrow. 

My dad is not running the streets of New York City right now, but he’s healthy and keeping his brain active and engaged. He’s working out with a personal trainer via FaceTime and taking meetings by Zoom. He sends me texts, we have cocktails and celebrate holidays virtually, and yes, had dinner on the street during a New York winter. Perhaps without realizing it, he too has reimagined his life and business. His longevity, steadfast optimism, and love of business: lessons for us all. 

I met with a potential client the other day. I was blown away by what she has created, her energy and drive. We had a great conversation, but it ended abruptly when she had to jump to another meeting. I am pretty sure I will not hear from her again. That is just fine, but I cannot stop thinking about her. Here’s why: As awesome a job as this leader has done bootstrapping, pulling her organization up from nothing to where it is now, what was very clear from our conversation is that she is not stopping to breathe. 

 Endless motion can only get us so far. As leaders, we have to pause, listen, think, and ask questions. We need to consider our strategy and the critical action steps that will help us reach our long-term goals. It’s easy to be in constant motion, to check off items on a to-do list. The to-do list will never end. What is far harder is to make sure that we are moving in the right direction, the direction that is mission critical. 

What I provide my clients is that breath. I am a thought partner. I ask really hard questions and encourage reflection. If you are considering executive coaching, taking a breath, and accomplishing more than just putting out today’s fires, I can help.

I’m flying from New York to Chicago on a crystalline sky day. The view from above is spectacular as we make our way west. We are jetting home to get ahead of a storm barreling towards the east coast.  We are flexing our schedule to avoid turbulence tomorrow. Getting above the clouds, being able to maneuver through the unexpected is as critical for CEO’s and managers, as it is for travelers. Certainly, the last year has taught us that a strategic pivot could be the most important skill in an organizational playbook. 

Knowing I need to see a long horizon and actually doing so are very different things. One of my long-term clients has this practical advice for other business leaders, “Start reading. Listen to experts, find those people who will push you to think differently about the business, and challenge your assumptions. Engage those people as part of your inner circle. Identify your competitors that are winning in your space or totally different spaces. Use their success to incorporate their lessons into your thinking. Assume you don’t know the answers.” 

The spark towards new opportunity may come from an unexpected source. Keep your eyes wide open and enjoy the view. 

This morning the news broke that the President of the United States has been diagnosed with COVID19. Two different newspapers on my breakfast table are littered with articles regarding the virus, its impact on the economy, its impact on the stock market, its impact on oil prices, its impact on children and schools, its global impact on our lives. This is our normal.

With this as a backdrop, how are executives of companies of all sizes supposed to forecast and manage ambiguity? One of my clients recently shared with me that he has been trying to manage his company’s downward sales trend by digging in on his own. Scared to share negative results, he has been living in what I call “the bubble.” The bubble happens when we isolate ourselves, hoping above hope that we can single handedly manage our way out of the crisis. The result for him has been tremendous anxiety, sleepless nights, a short temper, and a P & L that is increasingly difficult to examine.  

This week I had the privilege of spending some time with Tracey Grove, the high-performance executive coach, specializing in leadership effectiveness. I asked Tracey her thoughts regarding this kind of executive behavior and what she would advise. Tracey laid out an elegant model for executives managing this level of stress and ambiguity. 

1. Speak the fear out loud. Acknowledge, I don’t have all the answers. 

2. Gather the team. Ask for help. 

3. Start asking questions:

• Where could we? 

• How could we?  

• What are the possibilities? 

• What/where do we aspire?

• What is the dream? 

There is no going back. Our world has turned. Our collective question is needs to be "how do we move forward to create the kinds of business that will succeed and thrive in this environment?" There are no firm answers. What we can do is hypothesize. Put our toes in the water with small investments. Try things that are new and outlandish. Let’s see what works. Pivot. Try again. 

No leader can manage through this crisis alone. Get out of the bubble. Use your team and be willing to use the wisdom of the collective. 

Q. What’s your leadership philosophy?

A. Great leaders are great listeners. They regularly seek feedback and aren’t afraid to hear and learn from key stakeholders within and external to their organizations.

Q. Which business leader(s) do you look up to and why?

A. I had the privilege to work for Leonard Lauder, who is now chairman emeritus of the Estee Lauder Companies. Mr. Lauder taught me that creating iconic products first requires developing employees empowered to deliver great solutions.

Q. What’s the hardest leadership lesson you ever had to learn?

A. In an ambiguous, quickly changing world, we are rarely lucky enough to have perfect information. Instead, timely decisions are often made based on a nuanced combination of intuition, experience and information at hand.